Why Am I Jealous of My Partner's Ex?

A viewer writes in about feeling jealous and insecure around the women her boyfriend talks to, and most of all around his ex, who she thinks is prettier than her. He isn’t flirting or keeping secrets. She worries the jealousy has her putting him on a pedestal and putting herself down. Niyati Evers speaks from her own experience of jealousy and from her work with clients. She looks at where this kind of insecurity comes from: comparing yourself to other women, internalized sexism that ties a woman’s worth to her looks, what mothers pass to daughters about being wanted, and old experiences of abandonment and betrayal that shape how we trust. She treats the jealousy as a signal worth listening to, with voices inside it that can lead back to your own sense of self-worth.